Be busy. If they come up on you at a moment you are shooting the breeze with someone, smack your forehead and say “Oh man! I just remembered something I forgot to take care of.” Then run off.
Be persistent.
Complainers want someone to commiserate with them. Don’t ever ever ever give them the attention they seek. Like a crackhead, they will only want more. Do reward them when they tell you about positive things.
Be honest. Kind of.
If you insist on being honest with them and actually addressing the problem, then be a little - but not totally - honest.
Them: My daughter ran away from home again! I can’t ever get her to come home by her curfew and…
You: (having to interrupt because they will never shut up voluntarily) Amanda, listen, I can’t really talk to you about your daughter anymore.
At my latest physical my doctor told me that my blood pressure is up. Basically he wants to me to stay away from any stressful situations.
Whenever you tell me about your problems it raises my stress levels because I can’t do anything about what you are telling me and I get frustrated. I know you understand and I really appreciate that.
The beauty is that you can still be in ’stressful’ situations at work, because you ‘know how to handle’ whatever it is.
Be firm.
Then never ever let them get started on complaining again. You give an inch and they will never shut up. And don’t ever fall into the trap of trying to ‘help’ and ‘rescue’ someone. It only encourages them to need ‘help’ more, because then they receive even more attention.
5 comments
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January 3, 2008 at 4:40 pm
marlajayne
This reminds me of a situation that happened many years ago at a college where I was employed. There was an employee who complained about everything, but because he was a pleasant person who was truly having to endure great personal distress (sick wife, ungrateful children), we just tolerated it. Then one day, one of the VPs who had a reputation for being blunt asked him how he was. The person began with his litany of complaints, and then Mr. VP interrupted him and said, “Harry (not his real name), do you think anybody really wants to hear all of that?”
Honest to goodness, we NEVER heard another complaint from Harry. I think he’s probably still reeling from the shock of realizing that he was annoying the heck out of everyone. By the way, Harry’s the one who told me the story.
January 3, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Steve Rosenbaum
There’s another approach I see to complaints. A lot of airlines use this method. They might it difficult or impossible to find anyone to complain to.
It don’t know if your familiar with Ryan Air in the UK but it seems that their approach is, “don’t complain, you’re flying cheap.”
January 4, 2008 at 3:38 am
abarclay12
I love this song. It always makes me laugh.
January 4, 2008 at 5:46 pm
cordieb
Got any ideas for excessive talkers? Those people who talk while you’re into your fav television show about what’s really going on with the show, who even try to talk to you while you’re working on the computer about the latest and greatest software, and who never let you get a word in. Those people who are experts about every thing under the sun, and have an expert opinion on every subject. And please don’t get into a conversation about any type of religion, these people know God better than God knows His/Her self. Those experts of all trades from web development to pastoring a church, to building a house. They even insist on reading out loud!
January 4, 2008 at 8:49 pm
persistentillusion
@CordieB, Well I know that I am one of those people who just cannot process two things going on at once - like tv and talking or the radio and talking.
I had to flat-out tell my s/o that it wasn’t personal but for some reason I zone into tv, even if it’s an infomercial, and that you could be telling me the secret to getting rich and the infomercial would be more important to me at that moment. (I think it’s because I grew up without tv and don’t have the same filtering skills as other people, but I digress.)
So anyone I spend a lot of time with - I just tell them up front. If it is someone I don’t spend a lot of time with or know very well, I will just suck it up and try to turn away or turn it down.
For know-it-alls, the secret really is not to engage them. They don’t care about anything other than being ‘right’ and hailed as the knower of all things knowable. I usually just disengage when someone is like that - OR I try to use it as an opportunity to practice loving someone I can’t stand.
I’m no Jesus, so I can only take about 5 minutes of that.