Relevant Church has challenged its married members to have sex, every day, for 30 days.
This church, not very surprisingly, is located in Ybor which is the location of the very risqué Guavaween. (This year’s motto is “Get Your Freak On” if that is any indication.)
Instead, take only 7 days to kick-start your way to sexual nirvana.
1. Don’t wait until bedtime. You will be too tired to be seriously interested and do your best. This is the #1 THING you can do for your sex life.
2. Kegel exercises. Ladies, it is also your job to get yourself in the mood. Men spend their entire lives making the first move. They initiate courtship, marriage, and, yes, even sex. After all that, some women expect their guy to get ‘em horny too. That’s a lot of work.
Back to kegels. Kegels are usually recommended for boring stuff like incontinence, childbirth prep, and childbirth recovery. Little known is that kegels can, ahem, inspire a lady too. Kegels help speed blood to…uh, just take my word for it. There is nothing to lose and even if you don’t feel more ‘inspired’ at least you will be very toned.
3. Make out. Don’t just go straight to the bed after asking “Do you want to have sex?” because, when you put it like that, it all sounds so appetizing. “Yes. Please. Take me now. I yearn for your touch.”
4. Don’t jump in bed naked. People just strip and jump in bed to have sex. This is not a fire drill! Get in bed with your clothes on. When it’s time, they’ll find their way to the floor.
5. Fresh ingredients. Take a shower. Better yet, take on together.
6. Underwear. No holes! No granny panties! No unmentionable stains!
7. Don’t plan sex. It is not an activity to be entered in your day planner! Plan a date; you remember those, or an activity. If you can’t get out of the house for an official date, set aside 1 hour for a mini-date just for you and your beloved. Massage. Make cookies. Watch A Daily Show. If you happen to end up having sex, that’s just a double bonus.
8. Don’t have sex everyday. (Sorry Relevant Church!) You’ve transformed the most awesome activity into a chore. People hate chores, including you.
9. Don’t have sex for a week. Make out. Get naked. Tease each other. And don’t, under any circumstances, take care of yourself! Make sure you don’t wait any longer than a week or you guys might start to get used to going without. I know one couple who hasn’t had sex in TWELVE YEARS and they’ve been married for thirteen.
10. Be boring. People think they have to get all exotic. Role playing! Toys! 13 positions from the Kama Sutra! It’s fine to change position, but everyone should be comfortable. The best sex comes from turning off your brain and experiencing your partner. It should be like enjoying dessert, all texture and flavor, not worrying about creative spoon use. Believe me; you won’t get points for a triple axle.
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If you liked this article check out Sex on the Menu?
8 comments
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February 19, 2008 at 11:48 pm
cordieb
Nice article. I wonder why in most marriages, the female’s interest in the actual intercourse is not that of her husband’s. As a female, I know that I really like the cuddling part the most. But that’s just me. From talking with most of my friends and relatives, a lot of us would prefer going shopping. If someone could come up with a way to keep woman wanting it year after year, it would be short of a miracle.
persistentillusion says:
My dearest Cordie,
I can only hope you ladies are shopping in Best Buy’s “Magnolia Room”. Using that energy on a Walmart would be tragic. However, “If someone could come up with a way to keep woman wanting it year after year, it would be short of a miracle.”
How would you feel if your Beloved mopped?
Might that spark your ardour?
Maybe a vacuum, mop, and dishes trifecta?
I would love to know!
Sincerely, PI
February 20, 2008 at 6:16 pm
connie
Everyday for 30 days??? Would that be before or after we fall asleep on the couch together?
persistentillusion says:
Yeah, I sorta figured that people might get sore or something. Yikes.
February 21, 2008 at 1:30 am
thedailydish
I know one couple who hasn’t had sex in TWELVE YEARS and they’ve been married for thirteen.
WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE STILL MARRIED?????
February 22, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Guerrillero
:))))))))))))))))) Sounds like a good how-to…That’s what one should do over the coming week end.
persistentillusion says:
I’ll be awaiting my thank you from Mrs. iSell!
February 26, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Guerrillero
:)))))))))))) lol
March 3, 2008 at 5:48 pm
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May 6, 2008 at 4:48 am
Natasha
It seems odd that a married couple would go on a date… I hope you’re not implying something else….
May 6, 2008 at 3:03 pm
persistentillusion
@ natasha - Heck YES a married couple should go on a date! There should be separate ‘couple time’ away from family and work obligations. (That’s how you can keep some sizzle.) We have date night every Wednesday. It definitely gets harder when you have kids, but the needs of the couple can still be met.