persistentillusion says:

No one has ever called me an enabler! It is only with him that I have such an achilles heel. Feeling guilty doesn’t make anyone feel better, so I am just sucking it up. Yippee.

persistentillusion says:

I think part of the reason why this whole process is so weird is that my brother and I don’t have traditionally defined roles. Even though I was a sibling, more often than not I was his parent too. When you’re a parent, you have specific goals in the process of someone’s maturing, however, he is maturing at the same time I am. I also know how far he really has come, which is why I didn’t think it was unreasonable to think that he would go further.

~ People don’t usually change overnight. Certainly you wanted to hear that, but my guess is that you knew it wasn’t so. Problem is, you co-signed. Can you really just remove yourself from the loan? Will the creditor allow that? Is his other credit ok? If not, I can’t see the creditor letting you off the hook. I can see that you really love your brother and you’ve always protected him. If he says everything will work out, then it will. It might not work out quite like you want it to, but it will work out–it always does. I’m a giver, so I know what you mean; although I get frustrated at times, it’s not in my nature not to give, so I wouldn’t be happy saying no all the time. But sometimes we have to say no in order for the ones we love to mature and become responsible. But if their true nature isn’t so, it rarely ever happens. So we must learn to accept them as they are–although we don’t put our names on the line ever again. Thanks for sharing.

persistentillusion says:

After 2 years of on-time payments, you can take yourself off as co-signer, so that is no problem. And it is interesting, because I wouldn’t co-sign for anyone else, ever.

Making that decision to let your brother take over the payments cannot have been easy because you love your brother and you want to see him do well, but it was the right thing to do. Here’s to you for making an uncomfortable decision in the name of positive change!

I find your posts thought provoking and to make quite a bit of damned good logical sense. Keep them coming!

persistentillusion says:

It’s nice that I can tell I am doing the right thing because I really really don’t want to do it. When I know I am that resistant to something, usually it’s something I know I need to do.

And thank you for your kudos!

persistentillusion says:

Yeah, I know. Here I go, push!

We have gotten to the point where we have little to no relationship w/ his family. The last time his brother asked if he could stay over my husband said Um, NO. And told me it looked like he’d knocked him upside the head with a 2×4, he was so shocked. But you have to draw the line somewhere. It sounds like you have done WAAAAAAAAAAY more than we ever would - or even possibly could. Time to fly little brothers. You are adults - time to make your own way through life.

persistentillusion says:

Rightly or wrongly, I have always believed that if there is a problem all you have to do is discuss it, make an action plan, and then execute the plan. It seems I am the only person who can do this, so it is pretty frustrating when I see someone else fail miserably at it.

Watching someone else fail is HORRIBLE. I hate this feeling.

persistentillusion says:

He isn’t a leech and he doesn’t expect me to do anything, which just makes me feel worse about it. I just have to keep reminding myself that he has had a two-year opportunity to get it together.