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And, at long last, we are a scant 8 days from closing. EIGHT DAYS. And then it will be mine. I will have what I have worked for, dreamed for, and planned for. At long last, I will be the next step of the American Dream.
What happens when you get what you want?
At aGoodHusband, Corey Huff asked the question “How do you face Happiness, Success, and Wealth?”
Imagine my complete surprise when I found out, courtesy of the fug girls and curly, that National Doodle Day was almost upon us.
What in the…? Why?
These doodles have a very important aim: the funds they raise will benefit NF, Inc., an organization dedicated to providing support to individuals and families affected by neurofibromatosis (NF).
Ok, well, I still didn’t get it. Then I came to my senses. Who cares?
I don’t really draw well. I am one of those people who probably could do all right with a bunch of classes and dedicated tutorials by semi-bitter high school art teachers, but - no - I am not the next Picasso.
However…doodling? Ah, sweet forte, how well I knew ye in high school algebra. Time to get my doodle on! As curlywurlygurly is having a contest, one that I am determined to win, I set doodling straightaway.
Behold.
“The best advice I got from my aunt, the great singer Rosemary Clooney, and from my dad, who was a game show host and news anchor, was: don’t wake up at seventy years old sighing over what you should have tried. Just do it, be willing to fail, and at least you gave it a shot. That’s echoed for me all through the last few years.”
The movie was phenomenal. PHENOMENAL. And kicked ass. But those aren’t the reasons every guy in America should see this movie.
I am not going to give away any of the plot, I swear I’m not, but what happens to the main character is so germaine to how men live today.
We’re born, we have these gifts, and sometimes we know what to do with them - but usually we don’t, or somehow get it wrong. In this case, Tony Stark has a genius for electronics, programming, hardware manufacture, and innovative design. What does he do with his gifts? He lives like a frat kid off the scads of money he makes from being a ‘merchant of death’.
He’s all quips and no depth. Then he finds his purpose. Suddenly he’s a man living from his core, on a mission, and for the first time really living.
I never figured I would ever have the ‘need’ to write you. When I was angry, I knew you wouldn’t listen to me, knew you wouldn’t own up to everything you’ve done and continue to do. What I wanted most was for you to stop making excuses and face your life and, more importantly, face what you had done to me and my brother. When I finally let go of my anger, the only way I could function was to ignore you. Demote you. You weren’t Dad, you were Phil, and that distance felt safe.
Now, I’m in a different place really. The only place I could be as a result of the journey you started me on. Frankly, I have no expectations, nor do I care whether you agree with what I think. You are a very smart man (as if anything else is possible in this family) and you can either wield your logic like a weapon to warp the truth to your liking or you can let it serve you.
I think the mistake you’ve made is in thinking that if I would only understand you, buy-in to your story, that I would validate your actions and decisions. What you’ve never really gotten is that I do in fact ‘get’ you and understand why you’ve done what you’ve done, and how you’ve come to the place you in. And I called “bullshit” on your excuses, which you didn’t like.
I felt that “I’m doing the best I can” wasn’t a free pass for some of the heinous things you did. “I’m sorry” ceased to have any meaning.
It isn’t through understanding you that I’ve forgiven you. It is through understanding my ’self’, my divine and beautiful being that I have come to forgive.
We’ll keep this one between us, dear readers. If you are crazy and still want to read some horrible, horrible 5th grade poetry, the poem “Valley Forge” is after the jump.
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Get married.
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Buy a house.
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Have kids.
I had a very interesting conversation at work yesterday with a man who wanted to travel the country to various colleges to be a life coach. He figured he would make a ton of money dispensing his hard-earned wisdom to college aged boys. His suggestions?
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Don’t get married. Date. Forever!
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Don’t buy a house.
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Don’t have kids. Get a vasectomy!
On DumbLittleMan is an article called “Revealing Your Inner Superhero”. It gives you practical tips like choosing a hero and identifying your fears, but I don’t think DLM goes far enough!
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Everyone, everywhere, has a superpower.
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Everyone, everywhere, has their own kryptonite.
Let me explain. My superpower is being able to take the disparate contents of a fridge and create a unique, incredibly delicious soup. I mean KICKASS soup. My brother named one of my soups “Hawaiian Swamp Juice” and as delectable as it was I couldn’t make it again, even if you paid me to. The only ingredient I actually remember is a drained can of pineapples.
My kryptonite is simple mathematics. There is a well-known blog that requires its readers to solve a simple math problem before they can post a comment. This, I assume, is to weed out spammers and dumb people. I am always terrified that my answer to 7+ 2 might get kicked back. “You are not human!” the website might cry!
How does this help the average joe attain happiness?
The PersistentIllusion editorial board will be attending a hockey game tonight; the Carolina Hurricanes v. the Atlanta Thrashers.
But, I ask, how am I supposed to take hockey seriously with a name like “Thrashers”?
Even though I have never been to a hockey game, never seen a hockey game, nor have I ever previously cared about hockey - I hope Carolina ‘thrashes’ Atlanta. Then I can call my ex and make him eat it.
Giving makes me feel selfish!
This is much harder than I thought it would be. I sort of figured that getting happier would be the problem, not figuring out what to give or how to give it.
Spend less time together.
Actually, this is the secret to keeping any relationship awesome. When you spend too much time with anyone - your kids, coworkers, friends, brothers or sisters, parents, aunts and uncles, and, yes, even your Beloved - it causes friction.
Celebrity magazines know this and you should too. With enough time, anyone will get on your nerves.
When it’s a celebrity, we call it backlash. When it’s your spouse, Read the rest of this entry »
In light of the attack at NIU, or at Virginia Tech, or even back to Columbine, one thing becomes startlingly clear.
These incidents are mirrors of the best and worst of humanity.
It cannot be definitively known what leads someone to load up on semi-automatics and blast their classmates and teachers, though news organizations spend hours on conjecture as to why.
The majority of information about the NIU shooting focuses on Steven Kazmierczak’s actions and motivations and there is little information on any acts of heroism.
However, in the wake of this tragedy, we can look at the Virginia Tech shootings to see how people rise in the face of terror. There are moments when the best of what mankind has to offer is demonstrated.
Professor Liviu Librescu, an Israeli-American scientist who survived the Holocaust, held the door of his classroom, Room 204, shut while Cho attempted to enter it.
Librescu was able to prevent the shooter from entering the classroom until most of his students escaped through the windows, but he died after being shot multiple times through the door. One student in his classroom died.
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak tried to save the students in her French classroom, Room 211, after looking Cho in the eye in the hallway. Colin Goddard, one of seven survivors in the French class, told his family that Couture-Nowak ordered her students to the back of the class for their safety and made a fatal attempt to barricade the door.
Student Henry Lee was also killed while trying to help Professor Couture-Nowak barricade the door.
Hearing the commotion on the floor below, Professor Kevin Granata brought 20 students from a nearby classroom into an office, where the door could be locked, on the third floor of Norris Hall.
He then went downstairs to investigate and was shot by Cho. Granata died from his injuries. None of the students locked in Granata’s office were injured.
In the face of the negative media onslaught, it is easy to think that people and society are in a constant decline.
But for every story on price gouging and violence during a hurricane’s aftermath, there are 100 of how neighbors came together and helped each other. For every story of police misconduct, there are many more of heroism and bravey in the line of fire. For every story of a teacher abusing their students, there are the legions of unthanked and unappreciated teachers who have made the difference.
To all the people who faced horror and became heroes, we honor you.
1. Dress the part. Everyone says it because it’s true. Now I would never suggest that you need to wear a suit or blazer everyday, because frankly you can even mess that up. Behold.
The Apple guy is casual while the Microsoft guy is in a suit and neither of their outifits scream “woohoo, Success!”
They, both of them, look sloppy and one guy looks like Milton Waddams, the “I believe you have my stapler” guy from “Office Space” and the other looks like some college student who finally managed to roll out of bed.
Women, who stereotypically should know about fashion, can look even worse than the guys due to a lack of variety in men’s fashion. I work with a woman who wears stuff this this into work…
How, I ask you, am I supposed to take her seriously? She looks like a very nice person and someone I would ask to answer the phone and order office supplies, not sit in a meeting with clients or manage a large account.
Meanwhile, this lady looks like an executive,
who shockingly, used to look like this…
Don’t let your clothing get in the way of your calling!
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If you liked this article check out 5 Steps to Living Your Dream or The World is Your Oyster.
Making a whole year of change is daunting. That’s 12 months! 52 weeks! 365 days! 525,600 minutes!!! It’s 22 days into 2008, how are you doing?
Break your year down into manageable chunks; I like months or even days.
Plan A: MONTHLY
If you think about it, a month is about how long it takes to get tired of a new toy or a routine. A month is also a period of time that we are psychologically comfortable with. We budget, pay bills, read magazines, attend clubs for hobbies - all on a monthly schedule. You can do just about anything for 30 days.
Give each month a theme. For example:
January Tracking. I am tracking my spending, eating, activities/exercise, and business development. Nothing complex (except for what’s business related). I am just walking around with small notebooks and updating them as I go. An indirect result is that I am eating more healthfully and spending less, however, that’s not the objective for the month as I am simply acquiring data.
February Marriage. Basically it’s rocking Valentine’s all month long. That’s how we do Christmas at the house and I don’t see why Valentine’s should be any different.
Plan B: WEEKLY
Some folks find the monthly approach a little much, in which case the weekly plan is perfect.
Simply decide what the focus of your day will be for each day of the week. You would be surprised at how much you may already do this. For example, maybe Thursday is always date night or you spend Sundays with a focus on spirituality. All you need to do is commit to ‘Workout Wednesdays’ or ‘Financial Fridays’ and incorporate it into your weekly routine.
Pitfalls
I find that people try to overhaul everything, all at once, and they end up with a giant daily ‘to do’ list that never gets done.
By giving yourself a specific focus, theme, or mission, you are able to reasonably prioritize your time and engage in habit-building which should carry over month-to-month.
It’s what businesses do, and what works for the big guys can work for you too!
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If you liked this article check out 6 Ways I Derailed My Sexy Train in 2007 or Steve Jobs is even cooler than I imagined.
1. Cab. Get the number of a cab before you go out and keep a twenty stashed on your person just in case you need it.
2. Do not drink and drive. Any cop working tonight is already annoyed at having to work a holiday. You will not be able to talk yourself out of any tickets. If you drink and get caught driving you are going to jail, directly to jail. Do not pass go; do not collect $100.
3. No drunk dialing. Repeat after me: I will not drunk dial my ex. I will not drunk dial my ex. This is very important.
4. No drunk emailing or texting. Ditto for email and texting. According to the Urban Dictionary, drunk emailing is: 
When drunk dialing just isn’t enough because the person who you tried to drunk dial didn’t answer their phone or you are just so belligerent that you need to talk to more than just the people in your phone.
5. Don’t be lame. If you are depressed, don’t drink. It will not make you feel better and you’ll drag everyone else down. If you are determined to have a good time in the face of your depression, go out and laugh at all the drunk people. Bring a camera. Pretend you’re Steve Irwin on the prowl.
6. DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX. For any reason. Or your mother-in-law.
Cheers!
Christmas is a very stressful time of year. Especially if you are the ‘holiday coordinator’, which is usually Mom and usually thankless.
I had the good fortune to spend this weekend in the emergency room of my local hospital for “palpitations”; a very benign sounding word for something that scared the crap out of me.
Good fortune? Yes! It seems strange, I know, but I am leveraging this bit of news for all it’s worth.
Basically, I am boycotting Christmas.
I am not putting up any tree, buying any gifts, cooking any turkey, sending any cards, feeling guilty that I haven’t sent ‘enough’ to certain people even when they never send me anything, and I am not spending money I don’t have. No stockings filled with crap I shouldn’t be eating anyway. No traveling to see relatives I don’t like. No lights. No carols. Nothing.
Contrary to appearances, I am not a bah humbug person. Christmas is one of the things my father got right; there are traditions I associate with Christmas that I want to pass on to my children. But I would like to be around to pass them on. I would like to continue to enjoy Christmas.
So, in boycotting Christmas this year, I am contemplating how I want to spend Christmases in following years.
Trade the Turkey for a Chicken
Can I tell you how tired I am of dealing with a jumbo-sized turkey, which then leaves me with jumbo-sized leftovers for a month? And then the prep and the HOURS of cooking? I am so over it.
Stockings full of diabetes, obesity, and caffeine - Ho Ho Ho
One of the things my doctor mentioned was that I needed to stay away from caffeine. I drink water. Water is delicious and awesome. No coke or coffee for me. I’m thinking “piece of cake” until I was gently reminded that chocolate has caffeine. Now I’m getting chest pains. 
We have an obesity problem in this country. We also have kids running around that we pump full of ritalin because they are ADHD. Do we really need to up the sugar ante?
And also - it may be my love of fantasy novels speaking - but what about fruit and cheeses? Brie, rome apples, smoked gouda, golden delicious apples, fresh mozerella - YUM. Yes, perhaps a tad calorie rich, but a breakfast spent munching on a fruit and cheese tray once a year has got to be better than a giant chocolate santa, assorted kisses, and coco fruity pebbles.
Presents, The Only Way to Say ‘I Love You’
Let’s be honest. Presents are awesome…for about ten minutes. And it isn’t just kids with the short attention span either. I cannot begin to list the amount of things I have been excited about and then forgotten within 3 months.
I’m a sucker for kitchen gadgets, yes! give me the super-blasto-incredi-powered-can’t live without-specialty item. And how in the world have I lived without this?? And yes, I have a rice cooker that never sees the light of day.
Toning down those urges is difficult. But as any parent who has bought their child now unused karate lessons knows, the longing for the item is far more powerful than enjoyment of the item. That goes for adults too, ahem.
Plus, the more presents you get, the more crap you have and the more stuff you have to store. I don’t see what’s wrong with just one physical present for Christmas. One present to fully appreciate, not a pay day of gratuitous items.
Decorations - Tu casa es mi casa
To me, nothing says Christmas more than a clean house. We always gave the house a a thorough cleaning before Santa could come. We would stay up until 2am cleaning and organizing and be too zonked to stay awake listening for sleigh bells. (Or the pitter patter of adult feet putting presents under the tree.) Slave labor? Maybe. Or maybe my father was a genius.
There is nothing like being able to enjoy my home for the holidays. Besides, I would rather enjoy your holiday decorations.
I think skipping my decorations and driving around to see everyone else’s Christmas lights is pretty genius. I just always feel like I am too busy ‘presenting’ the holidays to really enjoy the holidays.
The Ch in Christmas Stands for Cha Ching
When did we as a country decide that Christmastime means spending yourself out of house and home?
Why are we spending money we don’t have on an ephemeral holiday that doesn’t even stand for money?
Have the perfect Christmas. Christmas should be a family event! The bigger the Christmas, the more you love your family. You need decorations and presents and turkeys, oh my. Celebrating Christmas is American; our consumer spending indicates our economic health.
It’s like a wedding, but one that happens every year.
So much pressure on a holiday that began in celebration of a little guy from Bethlehem. I think he’ll understand if I sit this one out.
Man or woman, spouses want to reserve the right to keep their mother as “number one” in their life.
Logically, it doesn’t make any sense to choose your mother over your spouse. Unfortunately, no one actually makes decisions logically.
The terms ‘mother’ and ‘motherhood’ evoke an unconditional love and caring, a sense of sacredness, reverence, and deep respect which are incredibly powerful emotions.
Fathers are not held in this esteem. A man is not defined by his children but a woman who is a mother is always a mother.
“Oh but a mother sacrifices.”
The underlying assumption of this attitude is that a mother is the true parent. Parenthood is only experienced fully by a mother and that a father is irrelevant. Not only this, but that a woman is primarily defined by her status as a mother.
Think about it. A mother is held in high regard because she ‘sacrificed’ for you. Not because she is brilliant, resourceful, or generous. (Unless it is directly related to her status as a mother.)
This reverential view is driven by the presumption that being a mother is not only her sole achievement in life, but important because she is taking care of you. How can you tell? Because, if you are a man, your wife is also a mother (or will be) yet not held in as high a regard.
A mother is, in a perfect world, also a wife. By reverentially defining her as ‘mother’, you negate her as a complete human. Celebrate your mother as a woman in her own right.
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